Death loop of revenge bedtime procrastination
So it's been for years, but not decades, that I find myself for days in a row, even weeks sometimes, just staying over until very, very late. Sometimes it's 5am, need to wake up at 7am kind of late. And I sure know I'll have to get up and live the regular life, but somehow I still find myself just sitting around, sometimes reading, sometimes taking care of the housekeeping chores. It's not always useless, but it's always a compensation for something, and I can't quite tell what exactly.
The fatigue then builds up, and I fall asleep without a warning at 8pm some day, and then everyone is angry, but then everything is fine for a few days. Then I regress again.
It started around the early covid times. Developed as anxious insomnia and then kinda just stayed with me. I'm not big on medication and such, but I know that melatonin doesn't quite work, and honestly, it's a solution to a wrong problem. So here I am again, in the night, trying to make sense of something, waiting for the adenosine to build up or something, for the sleep pressure to overcome the curiosity about trees, and that one book, and Hacker News, and oh there's stale bread that I need to throw away, and oh there's unusually heavy traffic outside, fml
I don't have world angst, I don't scroll and, in fact, actively avoid anything that scrolls infinitely. Global news and headlines don't bother me. That one thing I said and now I'm experiencing the ladder effect, I'm never bothered by that. Why the hell is making a commitment to sleep such a hard thing? A mystery that can't be solved.
🐝 pirkka
May 13 · 10 days ago · 👍 LeafBeef
🦆 love · May 13 at 14:23:
This sounds exactly like what I've been experiencing for years too. For me it has started with me staying up playing games or whatever and at some point turned into crippling panic every time I went to bed. I physically could not go to sleep. Since I've gotten medicated this has dissapeared thankfully but I still don't sleep. I don't really want to stay up but I always do and try to be productive while doing so. It feels like I haven't had time for me and my needs during the day and I need to catch up even tho I did? I can't really figure out what is happening
🚀 riley · May 13 at 17:49:
Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that struggles with this.