ieve's Squall of Consciousness

Entry 3 - hot runner motorcyclist frost mage chef engineer dog dad guy

(December 22, 2025)

Meh. Mlep. My self-worth is tied up in this. Which is not good. But it's like ... the first time I've felt hope, and the first time I've felt _a way_ about someone in so, so many years.

And _probably_, just like every other time, it's going to be fine. When I do talk to her it'll be warm and lovely and she'll be happy to chat with me and attentive and not signalling that she needs to get back to work at all, and she'll probably respond positively to the idea of a dog play date, and hey like even if she doesn't feel the same way and doesn't see the same endpoint ... maybe it would be nice to make a friend.

...

I think I feel ... good physically though?

Ran 28 minutes today, in intervals, over 40 minutes total. That's easy run pace with some gas left in the tank (it's calves - calves are the gas.) So if the 5k were tomorrow. Well maybe not tomorrow. Wednesday, I could run the 5k now. And I have 5 more runs over the next 2 weeks, then 5 days of taper time, so I should be in even better shape then.

On an absolute scale it's not a lot, but on a relative scale it's night and day from where I was a couple months ago. And belly is way less - probably mostly due to having stopped drinking except for very seldom special occasions rather than the exercise, but I still ... like the way I look more than the way I used to look.

On my way to being 'hot runner motorcyclist frost mage chef engineer dog dad' guy.

- 🜌

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