Nobody

"There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses". Yes. Again, I very much doubt that the sentiment is original. Of course, all "there are only two" quotes have to be taken with a grain of salt. Sometime in the 1980s the number of complains I received was a significant factor in my estimate of what worked and didn't work for users. It turned out that this made me underestimate the number of C++ users by a factor of 5; it seems that most people just quietly bypassed to problems they found. Unfortunately, that deprived me of input about what bothered good developers.

— Bjarne Stroustrup

The salt is important (beware the blinkered binary) as locating a language that nobody uses and that nobody complains about should be fairly easy: humans like to complain, and "nobody" usually means "almost nobody" just as "everyone" often instead really means "almost everyone". Everyone drives a car, and nobody avoids Mammon maximization, right? It should not be difficult to find a nobody complaining about a nobody language somewhere out on the long tail of languages, in which case you have a third type of language. Fourth: the ones nobody complains about and nobody uses. We might anticipate more of these as more languages settle into the stratigraphic layers of programming history. As ever, language is inadequate to the task.

  < @daid303> After doing C++ for 15+ years, yes, C++ is a bit of a
              horror escape room. Especially if you need to work in
              C++ code from people who went "OOHHH, shiny!"