Dream

Unsettled. Woke up this morning and remembered my last dream (I often don't). I'm in a house. I'm holding a rat, stroking it (this part is fine). A distant voice asking me if I want to hold [the rat's name]. I suddenly find myself stroking a different, red-eyed rat.

I know this rat, the second one. I wake up. Something else from my past, unlocked by my subconscious. First: its name. Next: the colour. In my dream, mottled. Once I recall the name, I correct myself. The rat was white.

(I'm not convinced my conscious mind is right - the only details I'm sure of are the name and the eyes.)

Last year I hoped that in starting to heal, I would remember more. This largely hasn't happened. No Hollywood-esque rush of memories, where I suddenly recall everything. Instead, six months ago, details about a table. Last night, a rat's colour. Its given name.

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