Exhausted

One of my friends is in the hospital. I think they're dying. They're thousands of miles away. A bunch of us are trying to get information. It's hazy. But we know it's not good. A life of pre-existing conditions and lifestyle choices coming in like a freight train.

I haven't had a drink since last week. I don't drink a lot, but I usually have a beer or whisky after work. But since my friend, since their struggle with alcohol, I just...

Heavy, wet snow last night. I shovelled before bed. Over the night more snow blowed in, packed on the driveway. After I made breakfast for my partner and I, I cleared the packed snow, throwing it over the six and a half feet drifts that line our driveway. My arms are tired. My brain is tired. There's a deep sense of exhaustion that I feel like is only going to get worse.

Last night I had my guitar lesson. Took a nice picture of one of my teacher's cats while I waited for the previous student to finish. Then I plugged into a cranked little Epiphone amp. We worked through a song I was teaching myself, one by an old friend's old band, that doesn't exist on YouTube, just on the mp3 I sent him as a reference. And that helped a little. Music can help, though it can only take you so far.

It's funny - I started the year with joy when an old friend got in touch, let me know she'd moved to my city, would we like to get together for coffee and to catch up? And since then, a steady stream of more-bad-news. Productivity is the bosses' word, but I've been productive. I've been juggling lots of interests and managing to keep the balls in the air. But everywhere else in the world, things seem precarious, whether internationally, or just with old friends.

Last night I said to my partner, _the world just needs some good news_. Bad things have been happening to good people. Bad people have been emboldened. I guess what I really want is the fairy tale ending: the wicked witch shoved into her waiting oven; or the wolf to spend itself, blowing uselessly against the bricks.

gemlog