Hormone Update #7 (Nine Months on HRT)
So, it’s been nine months since I started taking feminising hormones.
My estrogen blood values have increased since the increase of my dosage three months ago, although it was still not in the desired female range, which is why my doctor increased it again, to what is now double the dose of what I started with (4 doses of Gynokadin gel, totaling up to circa 3 mg of Estradiol per day). My dosage of antiandrogens has remained the same and worked very well in destroying my testosterone values. I did calculations and found out I barely have 5% of the testosterone values that I had when I initially started.
My emotional state has stabilised somewhat… I find going outside and being seen by people very distressing – people definitely notice me a lot more and even go out of their way to give me disgusted looks to degrade me and make me unwelcome, and it takes a lot of the energy I have in my daily life. Luckily, I am able to find healthy coping mechanisms to replenish my energy and get through the days. So it’s getting better.
I am grateful for every day that I am allowed to wake up and take my hormones. It is an incredible feeling to be excited, happy, and relieved when I see my silhouette in the mirror. My face is one of the last places I actively struggle with, but even this, while still happening on a regular basis and probably every day, has become more rare. I find myself able to see my reflection on a monitor. Of course, this is largely dependent on my mood, but I can remember very well how seeing my face in the mirror used to be my biggest nightmare; now, it’s still painful most of the time, but I can start to accept my body for what it is right now, knowing that it will probably not be that way for much longer.
As you can tell, I am very excited for what the future brings, and very grateful for what the past has brought and the present moment is continuing to give me! Being alive, finally, feels like a gift for me, that I want to cherish every day of, even when it can get hard very often.
tags: lgbtq+, hrt
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~konomo CC-BY-NC-4.0